hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
pray to the hookup gods
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
