dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We have started to decorate penises.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
