i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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