I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
