That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
