I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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