He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dignity is for republicans.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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