they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
