I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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