I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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