I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
