cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
