My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
