So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
