so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
God I need to hump something, right now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
