Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
