He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
