Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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