The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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