Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
