I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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