I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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