**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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