So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
