help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
