i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
