what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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