Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
