he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
