i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
