what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
