I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
