are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
