Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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