She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
