I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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