so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
