I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize