I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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