so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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