every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize