Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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