you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
