You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize