I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
