I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
