I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
