and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
