were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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