I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
