Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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