Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
