Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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