you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
