theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
