ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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