i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
