I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he told me I talked like a deaf person
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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