I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
