he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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