LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
