Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
