I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
