I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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