For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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