Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
