God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
