do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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