so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
