SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
