We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
