I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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