My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
