when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
