This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
