He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
