he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
