Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
