She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
