I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Randomize
