We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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