Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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