The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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