Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
