operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
