You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
