the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Shame is for Republicans.
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