MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
